Letters to My Younger Self

My Dear Self,You were lying on your bed, listening to a lecture on the role of fathers. And even now, you love yours. You pray for him — you always have.Your father was a good man. He meant well for you. He wanted you to be perfect, so he chose to be strict, chose to be harsh. It was a tough upbringing, my dear self. But hold this truth close: his intentions were never bad.I know how deeply wounded the inner you stil ...

I am writing this today to finally let out everything I’ve kept hidden in my mind for past ten yearsI was just ten years old, my dad’s whole world. Even though he worked long, tired hours as a driver, he never came home empty-handed. Every single night, before he even changed his clothes or rested his feet over tea, he would make sure Mom, my brothers, and I all sat  in front of him to eat first. Just watching u ...

Dear self,I want to tell you about a dream.I saw my mother. I asked her to kiss me on the forehead. She refused.Earlier that same night, I had been talking with a friend about our childhoods , how tough they could be, how desperate we were, as children, simply for touch. A hug. A kiss. The ordinary things that tell a child they are safe and wanted. We agreed that our parents were imperfect, that they tried hard in th ...

From Knowing to BecomingIntellectually understanding and embodying are very different from each other.We usually try to fight our emotions, instead of overriding them. How about listening to them?The moments of disappointment.Disappointment memoryLet me read myself and my emotions. Emotions are very irrational and very tough to predict, I think. I have to observe and name the emotion properly.My friends and I went sh ...

Letter to My Young SelfSafety is the foundation that teaches us we are allowed to be — to rest, to feel, to take up space. It gives us permission to exist, to be held, to soften into presence. This drive for safety is universal.I didn't always have that foundation.My father had norms I couldn't opt out of. Even the way I ate had to match what he wanted. When visitors came, I had to appear, regardless of my own state, ...

To the boy I was,I need to tell you some things you didn't get to hear enough, back then.I saw you that day, running and shouting with your sister at your family friend's place, so full of joy you couldn't keep it inside your body. That's not a flaw in you. That's what a child should look like . loud with happiness, unafraid to take up space. When you got home and the shouting turned into orders and being grounded, s ...